Thursday, October 1, 2009

Like Mother… (definitely) Like Daughter!

This is Jesse chiming in for a rare blog. No, its not because Julie is in hospital stirrups pushing our baby out. But rather this morning had a story worth my time to write and tell everyone, and I wanted you to be able to see this from my perspective. So this morning was eventful for sure. Be warned. Though this story is humorous, it is not for the weak. But first, feel free to interpret the sketch below. ……





I was trying to get showered and shaved this morning before running some errands. (Ironically, Renae is doing the potty-training thing lately and so Julie’s and my radars are on high alert to deter any “accidents.”) While amidst shaving my backwoodsman beard, I hear Renae come trotting in to the bathroom saying, “wipe please.” She didn’t appear to be wet at all. That was the problem.

She had a couple nuggets (non-chicken kind) in her underwear and it was grossing her out (she wasn’t alone on that one!). I helped her out of her underwear and sat her on the potty chair – while I still had a half foam-beard from the shaving cream. Renae kinda freaks out at poop. Julie does too.

When Julie came to flush Renae’s creation, it was apparently an overwhelming odor for her and she started to gag. Meanwhile, Renae made herself gag when she smelled her own poo being flushed away.

(It doesn’t stop here … this is a downward spiral.)

In the chaotic moment, Renae threw up on the floor. Julie couldn’t contain her gag-reflex, and decided to share in the moment with our daughter. It was an orchestra nobody wishes to compose. (Here enters the wind-section.) Julie rushes to lean over the shower in time to not cover the entire floor with her … “contribution” and there, she camps out for a minute or two.
(Jesse is currently finding cleaning supplies and mop.)

Renae is scared and decides to cling to Julie’s leg while she is bracing herself against the tub. Seeing Julie gag/puke, sets Renae into round #2 with her own bout of “odors/visuals vs. gag reflex.” (So far, its: Odors=2, Females=0.) Our daughter puked a little more while supporting herself on Julie’s leg. This picture would be priceless if the camera was handy. My wife doubled over the tub, and my daughter huddled around my wife’s knee. Both puking and gagging. This all caused Julie to finish the episode with a few more hurls. (MTV’s “Fabulous Life” can move over, because it can’t compare with my riches in the “for better or for worse” lifestyle.)

So it was my turn to finally enter (stage right if you will) with my paper towels, cleaning chemicals, and a mop in hand. While my two girls were in the shower (after it was cleaned) and washing up, I gathered clothes for the wash, grabbed chunks off the floor (with as many layers of paper towels between my fingers as possible), and then proceeded to mop the bathroom floor. I never imagined that I would be the strong-stomached one in my family.

Everyone is now fine. Julie chalked it up to being pregnant. I finished shaving. Renae is still poop-training … hopefully with no more repeats like this morning. (Final outcome: Odors=4, Females=0.) Have a good day everyone. I’m sure it did not start off worse than this (I hope).

15 comments:

Scott & Julie said...

I'm laughing so hard I almost wet my pants (he, he, he)!!!

I LOVE the picture you drew Jesse!

Anonymous said...

Oh Jesse. You are quite the writer! Thanks for the out-loud laugh! That was priceless. Love the accompaning artwork, too :)
-Britt

Jamie said...

So sorry for your girls, but that is too funny. Here is hoping for no repeats of this incident!

~Jamie

J. et K. said...

Poor Jesse! (And Julie. And Renae.)

But lucky us - quite the treat to get a post out of Jesse. Great writing.

Is the drawing on your fridge now?

Kate and Chris Borders said...

Hilarious. I'm sorry that it was miserable for Julie and Renee, but since they are fine now...it's hilarious :)

Jack and Sheryl said...

Thanks for the laugh out loud, Jesse. That will be one story that is not going to be forgotten by your family anytime soon,I'm sure Renae will love that one someday. :) Hoping that gag reflex turns into a baby real soon. :)

Wendi Reger said...

Don't you just love being a husband and father and the puke picker upper of the family today! What memories you'll have to share with Renae when she grows up. Jesse you did a great job of "telling" the story. Maybe you could sit in for a while as substitute blogger in the Masson family.

Keely said...

Oh man, I almost gagged just reading it! Ewwww! How did you keep it together??? What a morning. I'm so glad that didn't send her into labor! :)

Dee said...

Jesse, you have a gift...for storytelling. Also have to give you props for keeping it down while your girls were walking on the wild side. Before I finished reading I called Larry over and had to read it out loud to him, trouble is, it's hard to read while laughing.

Thanks for the wheeze-fest, Jesse!

Aunt Dee

Jenny said...

I'm laughing SO hard. Jesse, maybe you should write a book...you're a great storyteller...I bet that living with Julie and Renae give you lots to write about. Soon, you won't be out numbered. Still laughing....

kpjordan said...

Oh my goodness! Even though Julie called us this morning to relay this story and gave us a reason to have a good gut laugh...as Kevin and I read Jesse's version, we were cracking up! I had to stop a couple times as I was reading it aloud because I had to wipe away my tears. Great sketch, Jesse, and great writing skills. You need to save this all to give to Renae one day. I keep visualizing this whole comedy in my mind...and sometimes I just break out laughing. Too good a story.

Christy said...

Okay, I was laughing so hard and loud at this that Tim had to come see what I was reading...and he cracked up too. :) Sorry you had to go through that...but thank you for sharing!!

Makenna said...

HILARIOUS!!! The sketch really made the story! Luckily it didn't make ME gag too! :)
Thanks for sharing Jesse!

ps- Julie I wrote you a note on our blog under your comment. :)

BrunerAbroad said...

Wow, that was hilarious! Thanks for sharing!

P_31Girl said...

Well that sounds remenicent of when we were growing up as kids, only at least now it's for real and not a sorry attempt to get out eating something mom cooked that the rest of us boys had to eat. Jessie, that was great to read and the great thing is, with kid #2 you double your chances of this happening again. Yayyy! I hope you guys are doing well - Tim, on behalf of Tim & Tarica